that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Drake has all the answers
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
