I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
