Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
