tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
