Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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