I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
