Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
