I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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