He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
