I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
