he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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