I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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