My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
