Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
