I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
