Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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