what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
No more Irish car bombs ever.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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