We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
