how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
