What did we do last night that was yellow?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
