I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
