Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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