The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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