I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
