I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
