I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
