Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
