I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
