I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
