He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
