I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
