guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
