forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
