Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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