I want to have your abortion
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
