Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
