Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You can't special order awesome
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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