Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
