its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
