Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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