What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
