Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
