im six kinds of drunk right now
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
he had hair everywhere except his balls
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
