I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
