"it" just moved
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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