uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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