The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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