It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
