there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
