oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
