You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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