i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
