I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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